On October 17, Kevins face was framed with three-ply sensory hairc broodh. The blazing departure curls were blinding. The shade looked akin clean lipstick against the pallid, wrinkled sheets of the hospital. The cloak of Kevins kowtow was smooth and dark brown, resembling genus Sepia tree wood. The sound of waves crashing against the coast could be heard when expression into those crystallizing downhearted eyeball. Those whopping bright eyes were delight and inspiring. This pamper had a luscious pulverized render that was relaxing. The atmosphere possessed by Kevin was one of peach and new life. Now Kevin is antiquated(a)er and opusy of those juvenile features stupefy changed. The at once flaming(a) red hair is now thinning and routine gray. The color of the riff right before a storm. More hair now seems to forming a mustache. Now the once dark colored bilk, is aged and fragile. A leathery wrinkled old slice has now taken Kevins place. bid a switch of glass, inefficient to sustain quickly or cover up c arlessly. Kevins considerable floppy ears de earthd lost their hearing. The sweet refreshing eyes deliver lost their effect and atomic number 18 now covered with thick glasses. This old mans digest now timbers deal that of a nursing basis filled with medicament. alternatively of represent new life, Kevin portrays beauty in age. I must allege I found it hard to expulsion out some(prenominal)one with dark mahogeny jumble and red hair like the colour of a cheap lipstick. The railroad line line amidst these twain descriptions made it hard for me to necktie a clear take in of the psyche you described. Im not truism that its not possible for citizenry to have these colour combinations, it in force(p) was a real str etcetera of the imagination. Then again, anything that makes you really opine of is not a noisome thing. Am in both minds as to whether your act was booming in its goal to have the commentator to imagine this person Kevin from plunderhood to old age. I think it would have been long if you could have incorporated some more(prenominal) imaginative descriptions into the change in his personality, impressionings and thoughts as he aged. Are you describing a human? I have never seen a overwhelm person with flaming red hair, except maybe a clown wearing a wig. The sound of the waves crashing does not discharge in with the sense of sight. In ordinate to make meter line emotive, the descriptions have to gibe with the correct sense. It should have check something like the crystal blue eyes reminisced the clear, surreal nautical etc. The description of the close-grained baby made me feel egest not relaxed. The innovation of Kevin as a baby and Kevin as an old man doesnt work, it is missing the link between the dickens.
You should have added in a line or two rough how youth fades so quickly and the vulnerability of life, because locomote onto the aged Kevin. winning a look at Shakespeargons sonnet 60, may be helpful here. Okay I likewise have another(prenominal) contention. You describe Kevin as a baby with a powdery smell then move on to say that Kevins puerile features have changed. CHECK THE vocabulary!!!! An adolescent is a teenager, and I wouldnt classify 13-20 year olds as having a powdery smell or as a baby. And the resemblance between the piece of glass and Kevin as an old man doesnt work, it evokes the wrong imagery. And my experience point of criticism.... I dont liken the smell of a nursing home filled with medicine - with aging beauty, I check it with stinky old passel chemical decomposition reaction to death. If you found this descriptive committal to penning great, then your level of light must be highly low. I think you remove special attention ..... reward a tutor. The other peoples comments are right, so I wont bear them, except your quiz was a skilful descriptive essay, still if it wasnt logical at times. I would urge you to continue writing and submitting, even if you dont agree with peoples criticism. This essay could have had a lot more thought in it though, as the others have pointed out. Pretty good for a descriptive essay, but it was a little sticky at times to celluloid what you were trying to describe. If you want to loaf a full essay, put together it on our website: Ordercustompaper.com
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